Procrastination

Etymology: Latin procrastinatus,
from pro- forward + crastinus of tomorrow, from cras tomorrow

transitive verb : to put off intentionally and habitually

hmmm... this seems to be an aweful lot of what I do lately. Everyday that I feel I "waste" I always strong arm my mind and swear that the next day I will get up and be "productive". It isn't that I do nothing. Today I had a bath, did laundry, walked to the market and picked up groceries and am now sitting here getting ready to (procrastinating) work on some papers and a scholarship application form. I just know that my time isn't nearly as productive as it could/should be.

Maybe it feels that way because I am used to interacting with people. Now, my primary interaction is with the computer. When I am not working on it I feel like I am not working. While others would go out for coffee with friends or putter about on other life tasks I read cnn, look up scholarships, surf general info...but don't really "work" on the tasks I need to get to.

I find that my mind is not really here. It isn't that I don't do well. I finished my first course (theory) with an "A-" which is ok. But I feel that to be here I should push harder. I find that I am rather a lazy person.

I could read a lot of "self" help books on motivation - but maybe I don't want to be that motivated. Maybe this stage of what I am doing is just not that interesting to me and, hence, there is a lack of drive. If I reflect back, I wouldn't say that I am generally lazy. I have worked incredibly hard on certain things - but they were usually things I wanted to be working on ...

These past few months have been quite the challenge - I am having to learn about my"self" and trying to find my feet (not literally) to determine where I want this journey to take me.